The Stupid Folk

As I may have mentioned here, I am the president of the association in the little condo community I live in. There are 16 units. The people living here are in varying stages of life: young marrieds, spinsters, recently divorced, and "daddy-bought-me-this-condo-to-live-in-while-I-go-to-college" Some of these people are professionals, some are, as I said, students.

There is only one common element that binds these people together; the majority of the owners here are idiots. By "idiots," I do not by any means wish to imply that everyone here is an asshole. I simply mean that they seem to burn very low-wattage bulbs.

The treasurer and I are dismayed that this pack of fools managed to elect a leader at all - I mean, these are the kind of people who have trouble getting out of bed in the morning because they can't find the floor. The treasurer and I are both glad to be at the helm, because we fear that without us, the association would be hopelessly and forever fucked. We both, the treasurer and I, are amused at this situation that leads us to feel superior to others.

The association keeps in touch via email in between quarterly meetings.

A few weeks before the burglary, the treasurer calls me at 8 in the morning on a Sunday to inform me that there is a vagrant sleeping in the vestibule. Some dipshit had left the front door open. Thank goodness that there is another locked door at the top of the stairs that leads to the first floor apartments. Anyhow, the treasurer called the police. In the forty minutes it took for the police to arrive, the drunkard (we know he was at least bathing in alcohol, as we could smell it) had gone.

The police advised us to hang up a "No Trespassing" sign on the front door. Why? Because of some silly law. Basically, had the drunk guy been caught in our lobby, he could have been busted for public intoxication or simply been asked to leave the premises. Because we did not have this sign posted, the vestibule becomes a kind of public property - you can't arrest people who don't live there for trespassing. I don't get it, but whatever. I went out - ME the one without the car, on a Sunday when the busses are very far and few in between, to the Home Despot, and bought three No Trespassing signs. I must add that this was a very, very cold day, when the high temperature could not have been higher than 10 degrees.

I bought the signs, double sided tape, and made my way back home to tape up these blasted signs.

Here's an example of the email I got in response to the message I sent out explaining what had happened and why the signs were hung:

What message are we sending to our neighbors and/or those walking by with a "No Trespassing" sign? Although I do not want anyone trespassing, I also feel that with a sign posted such as "No Trespassing", we may be giving the impression at the very least we are unfriendly or isolating ourselves from those right around us.

I had a similar reaction when I saw it yesterday - it seemed "angry.

My favorite reaction came from a horrible cretin who doesn't believe in pulling the door shut. In her eyes, if the door doesn't shut on its own when you let go of it, there is something wrong with the door --- not with the hydraulic mechanism or the lock, mind you, but the door:

I have again found that the door is not locking even after several attempts to shut the door properly. I have a young child and do not want to walk into the building and find some random drunk man chilling in the foyer. Last year we had people smoking pot in the foyer...maybe it is time to replace the door!

So the signs were torn down by the angry masses. This happened despite my explaining to them what the police had said about the signs.

Then MY condo was broken into.

Fast forward to last weekend. Someone sent an email in, letting us know that three men were spotted hanging out in our back yard. The police were called, and my neighbors who'd spotted them left. It took them four days to tell anyone what they'd seen. The suggestion of this neighbor?

...Has the association ever considered a nice fence? It may be cost prohibitive but I'm curious to know what you guys think. If done right it might be worth the peace of mind. I know it's not a guarantee, but could be a useful deterrent

I must also add that most people have ADT stickers on their windows and back doors (ADT is an alarm company.) So the irony - they don't want to appear unfriendly by having up "No Trespassing" signs, but somehow ADT stickers in nearly EVERY window and a fence are welcoming to the community and send a good, positive message. And they still plan on calling the police when they see trespassers, even though they know the police won't do anything because we don't have any "No Trespassing" signs up.

How can you argue with people who are this dense? I don't even hope to be able to win here, but I'd sure as hell like to break even.