I may have a short fuse, but in general, I am a very tolerant person. I can handle lots of things, like:

Gay Marriage
Celebrity politicians
Telemarketers who call my house and leave messages in foreign languages
Janet Jackson's boob

but one thing I CANNOT deal with, is when they fuck with my money. The little nickels with the Jefferson and his Monticello on them are doing their jobs just fine. Why do we need the to have the Louisiana Fucking Purchase on the back? Isn't the nonsense with the quarters enough?

Or the horrible thing they did to the $20 note - the US Dollar is GREEN, not PEACH for fuxsake. The president's faces don't need to be that big, either. Wigs or not, they just weren't attractive men, and we don't need a closer look.

Look, I know our money is ugly, don't get me wrong . Sure, other countries have some really nice-looking money. It is all very colorful and artsy. But it is foreign currency, which is supposed to be quaint. American money is sturdy green and silver with just a tad of copper for the penny. It says "In God We Trust" on it, as well as "e Pluribus Unum". I'm not even sure I agree with either one of those statements, but that's just what it says on the money. Leave it alone!

I think I want to get a bunch of musicans and comedians together - kind of like the whole "get the vote out" campaign. They can sing songs about not fucking with the US Dollar and Cents. And the slogan could be something very catchy, like, "The Dollar - Keep It Real, Keep it Green" .

I could have that put on T-shirts, slogan silk-screened in green. I could have little hats and purses made with the coins they way they are supposed to be - you know, like the quarter with the eagle on it.... remember that gem?

I'm telling you people - this whole "changing the US currency" thing is a big right-wing plot. Just you wait.