Hello Cruel World,

Today was a day where I did nothing.

Now when I said I did nothing today, I mean just that. I never even got dressed. I got up at 9, had the ol' breakfast smoothie (blueberry-bananna today), watched the video tape of TV shows I'd taped over the past few weeks, showered, and then spent the majority of my day in my airconditioned bedroom. It was over 90 today, and I just couldn't get myself together enough to walk the three blocks to the hardware store to buy a new bike pump so that I could go into the dank, smelly basement, unlock my bike, pump up the tires, and get it ready for the summer. I don't care if there is a beautiful bike path next to the lake. It was too hot and humid to move.

I spent some time on the Internet, IMing P, answering emails that I have been putting off for awhile, and then I got a call from a friend, (let's call her M ) who I haven't talked to her in quite some time, and after the first 30 seconds of the conversation I remembered why that was. She is unable to devote her attention to me on the phone - even when she calls me, she gives me the impression that talking to me is absolutely the last thing in the world that she wants to be doing. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Hello?
M: Hi Michelle how was your.. oh, can you hold on for a second (pause of three minutes while she answers the call waiting)
M: So how are you doing?
Me: Oh fine thanks how are ...
M: Oh, you want your daddy? He went outside, he'll be right back. Here, why don't you read this book.... Ok, what Michelle?
Me: I was telling you that I was doing ok.
M: That's nice, can you hold on a sec? (Another call answered from call waiting) Still there?
Me: Is this a bad time for you? Should I call you back? (keep in mind, she called ME)
M: What?
Me: Should I call you back later?
M: No C, blah blah blah (speaking to her husband) Oh, hi ... so what were you saying Michelle?
Me: Yeah so what have you been up to?
M: What? How was your birthday
Me: It was ok, nothing too exciting, Joe and I went to Germantown
M: What did you say? No honey, give him the sippy cup with the juice in it.
Me: (irritated) It was o.k., I went with Joe to Germantown.
M. Uh huh, yeah, so was it a good day?

The whole agonizing 10 minute conversation was like this. Every time I opened my mouth to answer a question she had to ask me to repeat myself or she interrupted me by taking THREE other calls, talking to her husband, or talking to one of her two children. Now I understand that she shouldn't be ignoring the kids, but it is frustrating as hell to be called by someone who called for no other reason, apparantly, but to be rude. If she knew she was going to be on the phone, she should have arranged to have the husband look after the kids for the conversation. And while she was on the phone, why did he feel that he needed to talk to her?

The problem is of course, she isn't the only one guilty of this. This conversation is one of the worst case of telephonus interruptus I have had in a while, but it holds true that many people don't have the attention span required to make a phone call. T feels the need to talk to her husband when she is on the phone with me. Hubby also feels he has the right to listen to her side of the conversation and make comments. This doesn't bother her one bit. When tell her it is annoying, she ignores my protests. Unfortunately this is a family member, and I can't just quit talking to her. J does the same thing, but she at least has the presence of mind to ask me to hold on before carrying on a side conversation with her husband. Curiously enough, P, a boy, doesn't do this to me when his wife is around, and neither does V, another male.

Should I take from this that married women lose their ability to have conversations that don't include their husbands? Or am I really that much of a chore to talk to? I have actually asked T that, who told me not to be silly. I am not asking to be a priority in these peoples lives in general, honestly. I just want to carry on a one on one conversation with the person on the other end of the telephone line. Especially if that person has called me.

The rules: Don't call me to prove to me how busy you are, how much you love your partner, or to give me the impression that my time is so worthless, that I can sit there for hours and listen to you discuss kool-aid or whatever other drivel you want to talk about with whomever happens to be in the room with you. If you are busy when I call, tell me that: I am not into eavesdropping. Don't keep putting me on hold to continue the conversation you were having when the phone rang. And lastly, if you are not interested in what I am talking about, end the conversation. I will be less offended by this than if you start another little conversation on the side with your husband while still on the phone with me.

This gave me the idea to write a series of blogs about. PHONE ETIQUETTE. Call this installation "Short Attention Span Dialing"


Tomorrow: Why call waiting must die.