Deconstructing Binky

I have called my niece "Binky" since she was three months old. The nickname comes from Matt Groening's cartoon "Life in Hell". Binky is a bunny who has been described as "is a bitter, depressed, alienated, and thus "normal" rabbit and star of the cartoon." I know this is a strange character to name a child after, but my brother and I were heavy into "Life in Hell" when the kid was born, and it just seemed like the right nickname for her. She does have many star qualities, and now that she's 13, I suspect teenage angst will have her going through a depressed and alienated stage.

This is Binky the cartoon character.

As much as I'd like to post a picture of Binky the 13-year old girl, I cannot. My brother would skin me alive if I posted a picture of his precious Binky on the Internet. She's a very pretty girl though, even though she's got her mother's nose.

Anyhow, Binky the 13-year old girl has access to the Internet, and has been IMing me for some time. I have to say that even despite her "creative spelling" and complete lack of grammar, I like chatting with her. I don't remember too much about life at that age, but she's a fun kid and I'm enjoying watching her grow up, even though her growing up can be a painful reality.

I discovered her profile the other day, and under "pets" she writes:

my pet sassy* hates me.........thats all i can pretty much say about her. and there is also my fish that my brother loves to flush whenever they die. so if i dont have real fish to feed........ then i just put in my plastic ones to keep me company. not like sassy would or nething.........

*Sassy is a golden retriever.

I just about laughed myself silly when I read this. She's so clever. Isn't she clever? What a paragon of brilliance!

And then, I came upon this:

be back l8r shannons ova n were gonna party!!!!lol! bbl gettin my
braces on wednesday! screw u! lol! screw fest
Talk about giving your aunt a heart attack! My beautiful, sweet, clever and
brilliant niece said screw, screw fest and PARTY.

After the initial shock wore off, I mentioned to her that I'd seen her... "interesting language," and I asked her if she'd shared her new vocabulary words with her dad. Thank goodness the child said "no," because she'd be dead in the water if she dared to swear in front of him

Did I happen to mention how smart she is? She's very, very smart - on the honor roll and everything.

But what she's now suffering from is the twisted belief that she is outsmarting her very protective daddy, who is going to read that profile. This protective daddy isn't going to smile at her clever use of the double entendre. He's going to kick her ass from here to China, and then ground her for entering Communist territory.

I'm stuck. See, I'm the "cool aunt." This is a much-coveted title. My sister and Binky's aunts on her mother's side all wish they had it, but they can't. I'm the youngest, and therefore the most hip. I let the kids play in the mud, don't care if they don't eat their meat, and roll my eyes with the best of them. Hell, I taught her to chant "DOWN WITH THE MAN!" at her fifth birthday party in protest of her not getting the pony she was expecting as a present.

So if I tell her to take it down to save her hide, that makes me sound like her parents. But if I don't tell her, she's going to have to suffer some consequences. Also, if her dad finds out that I knew about her rather "interesting" choice of words, he's going to think of me as a bad influence.

Fuckity fuck fuck.

Who told her to go and grow up?