Warning: Not for the Squeemish

And so, ladies, gentlemen, and others, I am miraculously still alive.

The whole procedure of retrieving the late-sprouting wisdom tooth from deep under the gum line took 3 1/2 hours. I'm always one for getting my money's worth, you know. The time and effort it took to get that baby out surprised even the arrogant surgeon.

Although frightening, the procedure was relatively painless. The shot of whatever-it-was worked almost instantly. I also had a ready supply of NO2, but I guarantee you that no laughing took place during this procedure. I'm not the gas had any effect on me at all. It smelled like rotting flowers, and the mask was too large for my face and kept poking me in the eye. The prying, the sawing, the drilling, the pulling, and the packing were all painless. The clamps were unfortunately not.

The missing tooth produced a "gaping deficit," which in plain English means, "a big hole." To fix this, I wound up with a bone graft made from ground up, sterilized cadaver (human). I cannot describe to you how disgusting I feel to have part of a dead person growing into my own bone. Perhaps I don't have to.

I left the office with a "good job" from the doctor, applause from the staff, antibiotics, steroids, anti-bacterial rinse, and a prescription for Darvocet. My good friend and pediatrician Dr. B took me home, administered drugs, and only left me when I entered my drug-induced haze.

Thursday evening is bit of a blur - A few good friends phoned or texted their much-appreciated support. The narcotics gave me a wicked case of the munchies. (Try feeding that beast when you can hardly open your mouth!) I participated, more or less, in Thursday night chat with the #squeeze buddies, but guys, I'm sorry - I don't remember much. I didn't fall asleep until 2 a.m. or so, but when I did, it was bliss. I slept until 11:45, and even then, I only woke up because the phone was ringing.

Now I'm recuperating, watching movies, going out of my mind from forced relaxation, and hoping the grapefruit-sized swelling on the right side of my face goes back to normal before Monday.

Thanks to those of you who left comments and wished me luck!