I don't know if it is a joke or a cliché, but when people asked me what I was doing on Christmas, they kind of expected me to say "I'm going to a movie and then out for some Chinese food". The funny thing is, I've never actually done that. Well, perhaps I should say i'd never done that before.

I needed some cheering up, so I decided to go to the movies after all. I had planned to see a comedy. Since the movie was at noon, I decided to forgo breakfast and make a brunch out of the popcorn. (Read: I was too lazy to even make tea and toast.) Ileft a little earlier than usual because I had to go to the theater by bus, and the busses were on holiday schedule.

It turned out that I didn't have to wait very long. But when I got on the bus, I quickly became very sorry that I hadn't taken a cab. Do you know who else takes the local bus at 11 am on Christmas morning? People who don't bathe do. People whose families have forsaken them for one reason or another, and decide to sit behind me and try to pick the hair on my neck and read the paper over my shoulder. People who are very, very drunk and sick and sing and vomit on the bus, and other people who think that it is very cool that other people are vomiting on the bus, take rides on the CTA on Christmas morning.

When I got to the mall that the theater is in, there were very few people about. I stepped into the elevator, and just as the elevator doors were beginning to close, two women jumped in. They were very friendly and in a very good mood. One of them looked at me, laughed and said, "are you Jewish? We're Jewish why else would we be at the movies this early on a Wednesday?!" I had to laugh as I responded positively, and then I added, as a joke, "yup. Later I'm meeting friends for Chinese." Both of the women started to laugh and squealed, "Yeah! We are going to do that too!"

That ended up being the highlight of the afternoon. The movie I went to see was called Adaptation. For some reason it is getting rave reviews. Reviews called it "witty", "intelligent fun", "hilarious". I don't know, maybe I have no sense of humor, or maybe I am not intelligent enough to understand this fun. I thought the movie was really kind of boring. It started out interesting enough, the plot seemed to build, the characters started to unfold and then suddenly, nothing happened. I began to fidget and look at my watch after about an hour. The longer the movie went on, the more stupid it got.

I see that this is a movie about making a movie - or rather, a movie about the difficulties a writer is having in adapting a book for the movies. I get that the flashback, changes in time with the little captions explaining when and where the action was taking place (certainly this technique has a name), voice over, and all the other sins of Hollywood were used and abused to make a point. But that point isn't funny. It isn't even mildly amusing.

The reviewers go on about how the main character is sexually frustrated. Do they say this because he masturbates all the time? Cuz he does do that in the film - a lot. We are supposed to feel some kind of sexual tension between him and some British woman that can never be realized because he is too, I don't know, dorky? frustrated? lacking in self-esteem? , to kiss her.

Anyhow, I managed to sit through the movie. I heard a few chuckles and I did smile once myself. but I left the theater damned glad that I'd only paid the matinee price to see this craptacular thing.

The end.