My Kingdom for a Cattleprod!

If I had a cattleprod, I think I'd be a happier person.

For one, I'd use it on myself to wake up from my daily 2.30 stupor.
I'd use it for people who walk too slowly in large herds when I am in a hurry;
I'd use it for people who cross the street on the wrong side, and then yell at me to get out of the way;
I'd use it to zap people who try to run me down with their cars while I am on my bike;
I'd use it on pushy or stupid sales clerks;
and I'd use it on people who bring infants to the movies and allow them to express themselves throughout the show.

Oh, the things I would do with a cattleprod! I'd be the cattleprod vigilante!