Gee, I wasn't Feeling Old Enough

With the ragweed season upon us, I've been waking up very congested in the mornings. My allergies have always bothered me in the fall, and I know the drill - 2 Sudafed every 6 hours for three weeks.

Here in Chicago, Sudafed is a controlled substance, because some devious little buggers figured out how to make meth amphetamines out of them. This means that I have to go to the pharmacy to buy them. They scan my license into some database and I'm supposing the machine checks how many milligrams of potential contraband I am buying. I've never been a fan of this system - but if the government really needs to know when I have a stuffy nose, then so be it.

Today though, the pharmacy really went too far. After I paid cash for my drugs, a coupon printed for me on a little side machine. At first I was excited, because I thought it was a coupon. But no- what followed was an application to join the AARP (Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons). The application pronounced:

Congratulations [My Name] and thank you for spending at least $5 at [name of offending pharmacy]. According to our records, you are eligible for membership! Blah, Blah...

The thing goes on to say that membership is reserved for those 50 or over, even if they aren't yet retired.

That's right. These people have it on record that I'm 50. For the record, I'm not even close. The 20-something pharm tech sees my face go dark, and asks me if there is a problem. So I laugh and show her the coupon. "Something must be wrong with the database. I'm not nearly this old," I say. "I don't know," she says, still holding my license. "The information we have comes from the Secretary of State's office, and if they think you are 50, maybe you ought to just apply."

Maybe it is just because my head is all congested, but I just didn't think that was very funny. At first I was just feeling angry. I'm sensitive about my age. But on my way home I wondered how accurate this database of theirs could be if they don't even know my birth date. I mean, the drivers license is our primary ID in the US, isn't it? It makes me laugh to think that maybe when they scan my ID, someone else's name pops up. Maybe they think I'm my mother or some other older person in my family. I don't know if I should check on this with the SoS office or just let it go. The dates on both my passport and my drivers license are correct. So what if they can't type?

I'll tell you so what. I don't think I can just suck it up and let someone - even if it is just a computer database - think that I am 50.

But what's more, I don't understand what any of this has to do with spending at least $5 at the pharmacy, and why am I being congratulated for this?